According to this report, the Earth’s mass (M_⊕) is

5,972,190,000,000,000,000,000,000 kilograms

You might notice that there are an awful lot of zeros in that number. That’s because the report doesn’t actually directly specify the Earth’s mass. Like a lot of astronomical papers, it instead uses the Earth’s gravitational parameter, which is the Earth’s mass multiplied by the Newtonian gravitational constant. You see, when it comes to gravity, the force is ultimately determined by the gravitational parameter, rather than directly by the mass. As a result, the gravitational parameter is, as a rule, known to much higher accuracy than the mass. Newton’s gravitational constant is hard to measure, since it’s so tiny, so the report only gives it to six significant digits. So six significant digits is what I gave for the Earth’s mass.

I imagine you’re wondering why the hell I’m talking about all this. Well, I was thinking about planets, whose masses are very often measured in Earth masses. That made me wonder what the mass of say, a person, is, compared to the mass of the Earth. So, without further nonsense, here’s my big list of random objects measured in Earth masses. (I probably need to come up with a better name.)

2.78045 × 10^-51 M_⊕ : Hydrogen atom.

1.13926 × 10^-24 M_⊕ : a dumbbell

2.279 × 10^-23 M_⊕ : me

1.674 × 10^-22 M_⊕ : my car

7.023 × 10^-20 M_⊕: the International Space Station

9.878 × 10^-16 M_⊕ : the Great Pyramid of Giza

1.671 × 10^-12 M_⊕ : Comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko

8.620 × 10^-7 M_⊕ (not quite a millionth): The Earth’s atmosphere

4.470 × 10^-5 M_⊕ : asteroid 4 Vesta.

1.590 × 10^-4 M_⊕ : asteroid 1 Ceres (the largest in the solar system)

2.344 × 10^-4 M_⊕ (two ten thousandths and change): the Earth’s oceans

 0.00219 M_⊕ : Pluto

0.0123 M_⊕ : the Moon

0.0552 M_⊕: Mercury

0.107 M_⊕: Mars (I always forget how small Mars actually is…)

0.815 M_⊕ : Venus (Venus was my second-favorite planet as a kid, after Pluto, which was still a planet back then)

1.000 M_⊕ : Earth (Might as well stick it in the list…)

10 M_⊕: Planet Nine (Lower bound. If it exists.)

14.536 M_⊕ : the mass of Uranus (I still think it’s funny…)

17.148 M_⊕ : Neptune

95.161 M_⊕ : Saturn

317.828 M_⊕ :  Jupiter

332,949 M_⊕ : the Sun (1 solar mass, 1 M_☉. Guess who finally learned how to do subscripts!)

26,600 M_⊕ : the mass of TRAPPIST-1, which is significant for being one of the smallest stars ever observed, for having seven rocky planets, and for having three planets in its habitable zone. If there’s radio-communicating life on one of them, and we send a message right now, some of you might still be alive if we get the response. Not me. I’d be 98, and I suspect I’m gonna fall into a vat of curry or something stupid like that before then.

672,600 M_⊕ : Sirius A, the brightest star in the sky (besides the Sun, obviously)

710,850 M_⊕ : Vega, a fairly bright nearby star distorted into a lozenge shape by its rapid rotation.

1,270,000 M_⊕ : Alcyone, the brightest star in the Pleiades

2,830,000 M_⊕ : UY Scuti, a likely candidate for the largest known star as of March 2017. It’s around 1,700 times the diameter of the Sun, and if you placed it where the Sun is, it’d engulf Jupiter and come close to engulfing Saturn.

3,862,000 M_⊕ : Betelgeuse, the bright reddish star on the shoulder of Orion (cue Rutger Hauer.) It’s also an enormous, lumpy star. If you put it where the Sun is, it’d reach at least as far as the orbit of Mars.

33,295,000 M_⊕ : the larger component of Eta Carinae, an enormous, extremely bright, angry multiple star that’s so massive and so hot that it’s vomiting its own guts into space and making a pretty nebula in the process.

38,622,000 M_⊕: the poetically-named NGC 3603-A1. With 116 times the Sun’s mass, this is the largest star (as of March 2017, blah blah blah) whose mass is known with any certainty. There are other stars predicted to be more massive, but while their masses are estimated from models of stellar evolution, NGC 3603-A1’s mass is inferred from the orbital period of it and its binary companion, which is much more precise and less guess-y.

2.331 × 10¹⁵ M_⊕: the mass of the Small Magellanic Cloud, one of the Milky Way’s small galactic neighbors.

2.830 × 10¹⁷ M_⊕: the mass of our Milky Way galaxy (roughly).

4.994 × 10¹⁷ M_⊕: the mass of the Andromeda galaxy (roughly).

1.647 × 10²⁸ M_⊕: mass of ordinary matter in the observable universe (atoms and other familiar stuff) (very roughly)

3.349 × 10²⁹ M_⊕: mass of the observable universe, including weird stuff like dark matter and dark energy (very roughly)