This series is going to be a little different. A sort of ongoing project. Don’t worry, I won’t let it derail my other bizarre ramblings.
Anyway, here’s the project: I’m going to construct a language. There’s a whole community dedicated to that, but it wasn’t for nothing that my grade-school teachers kept writing “Doesn’t play well with others” and “Is not very good at taking turns” and “Shithead” on my papers. I’m going to go at this more or less alone. (Unless any of my readers are compelled to hop on this loony rollercoaster with me.)
The premises and requirements of the Nightmare Tongue are simple. Not like lojban, a constructed language based on freakin’ mathematical logic which is so sprawling and complex that the language itself has its own Creative Commons License (I think). I want the premises to be simple, but there’s a reason I’m calling the language The Nightmare Tongue. I want it to be the kind of language demons or evil aliens or sentient hyenas would speak. I want a language that sounds scary. I want a language in which you can use a phrase to express weird thoughts James Joyce couldn’t express in English. (Re-reading that last sentence makes me realize I really need to get more sleep…) Why? Fun, mostly. Because I’ve dabbled in creating languages in the past, but I want to take a serious shot at it. This is something I’ve wanted to do ever since I learned just how much effort and love J.R.R. Tolkein put into Elvish. Tolkein is a famed and respected writer, and Elvish is a beautiful and nuanced language. I remember watching The Fellowship of the Ring on freakin’ VHS when it first came out, and how the actress playing Arwen said she loved speaking Elvish.
Tolkein is a famed and respected writer and scholar (if I remember correctly, he did his own translation of Beowulf). I’m a madman on the Internet with too much time on his hands. The Nightmare Tongue isn’t going to be nearly as pretty as Elvish. But here’s a list of the things I do want it to be:
- Pronounceable. I don’t want to turn this into some jackass art project where I deliberately try to be as dense as possible. Despite my sentient-hyena example from earlier, I want the Nightmare Tongue to be pronounceable by the human vocal tract. I do intend to stuff as many weird clicks and other bizarre consonants in there as I can, but I want it to be the kind of thing that a person can, with practice, speak fluently and with a nice rhythm.
- Weird-sounding. Icelandic is an infamously complicated language. Years ago, everybody panicked because an Icelandic volcano erupted and pretty much blocked the flyways through Europe for a week. The name of that volcano is, of course, Eyjafjallajökull. (It probably says something about me that I spelled that right on the first try, but that I still get the I and the E the wrong way around in “receive”…) Eyjafjallajökull is roughly pronounced (forgive me, Icelanders–even in text I’m going to mess it up) “EY-aff-yaht-lah-YO-kut-th.” Those double-Ls are a weird-sounding phoneme we don’t have in English: a voiceless alveolar lateral fricative. It’s (roughly) the kind of sound you make when you try to say the English letters “K” and “L” at the same time. You’ve probably seen this consonant before without realizing it. The name of the feathered serpent, the badass Aztec god Quetazalcoatl has one at the end, so if you want to pronounce it authentically, unless you speak Nahuatl (there it is again), you’re going to end up spitting on the person in front of you. Random fact: I used to work with a guy from Mexico who spoke Nahuatl fluently. It sounded awesome.
- Complex. Once again, I don’t want to descend too far into navel-gazing (for one thing, navels are kinda gross). By which I mean I don’t want an impenetrable mess of a language that’s purposely too difficult for anybody to learn. It wouldn’t be hard to make a language like that. After all, as Lewis Caroll once pointed out (I’m paraphrasing), you and I are imperfect speakers of English and imperfect doers of arithmetic because it takes us a lot of effort to decipher the perfectly grammatical sentence “What is the sum of one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one and the largest prime factor of one plus one plus one plus one all multiplied by one plus one plus one plus one.” I’m sorry you had to see that. My point is, I want the grammar to be bizarre, complex, and alien, but I don’t want some abstract-art nonsense that’s impossible and pretentious.
- Writeable. The Nightmare Tongue will have a written alphabet. When I first got interested in created languages (thanks to Tolkein), the invented writing was one of my favorite parts. Plus, one of my cousins gave me some sweet calligraphy pens for my birthday, so I’ll be able to write that alphabet in BLOOD RED. (I really need to get more sleep…)
- Complete. Or as close as I can get. This site is all about thought experiments, but it’s also about fleshing things out. I don’t want this to be an unfinished concept-art project like all the other languages I’ve tried to create. My goal, by the end of this, is to have a weird-sounding, twisted, evil language that you could write a competent dictionary for, and maybe a grammar reader for children. (I’ve seen The Exorcist. I know children can learn demon tongues.) Perhaps someday I’ll find a way to crowbar it into a novel or something.
Either way, that said, work will begin, with updates as developments warrant. If you’re not interested in this kind of thing, you won’t hurt my feelings by skipping these posts. Don’t worry, I’ll be getting back to my bread and butter–ludicrous thought experiments–as soon as my brain gets unstuck.
Be safe out there.